A word from the chairman
One of the big battles we have fought over the years is with companies that think it is a good idea to have a covering letter supposedly from the chairman, which starts, “I am delighted to enclose the new edition of ….”
In my view it is a total waste of time and space. Hence the letter that we sent out in 2002.
This is one of a long series of “Toppled Bollard” letters I produced for Hamilton House, which one way or another, challenged every aspect of direct marketing, and the way one addresses both customers and non-customers.
The key to this one is the fact that people getting printed items mostly read the headline, the first few words of the first para, the same for a few other paragraphs, and the PS.
I hope you like it, and the other letters on this site. If you are interested in experimenting in advertising, do give me a call on 01536 399 000 or drop me a line at Tony@hamilton-house.com
A word from the chairman
It is with overwhelming delight that I find I have been asked once again to take up my pen and inscribe a few words on this “cover page” of the latest set of mailing list information from Hamilton House.
Of course when I say “inscribe” I don’t mean I literally take up the quill plus blackened printing paste. These days my PC is loaded with CreataWrite 2002, a stunning little program in which a rather jolly rat leaps out of the toolbar every 32 seconds and suggests four new subjects, in case I should be running out of ideas. In fact I see that at this moment the rodent (whom I have named Ricky after the rather dubious character in one of those TV spy series starring Alec Guinness) is inviting me to discourse on the digestive system of the neogastropod, the Defence of Fort M’Henry, stemmed turns (which I believe has something to do with skiing) or Gary Glitter (which I presume doesn’t).
I vividly remember that moment in the spring of 1971 when I penned my first few lines on the subject of selling into schools via direct mail. I found myself nervous in the extreme – and somehow the long nights of creating stories for Doctor Who hardly seemed a just preparation. Yet as we have all found since those ancient days our average post-person, valiant though he or she may be, is no match for a Type 40 TARDIS, even with its dimensional stabiliser on the blink.
Even now after all these years of scribbling I am painfully aware of how hard this writing business is. The publication of a collection of my one-pagers a few years ago under the title “Right Back” (a witty reference to my friendship with a member of the Arsenal Ladies team of the time) suggested to many that I found the art of making it up as I go along, a doddle. The tales of the Toppled Bollard, the strange events with the Smarties, and that infamous retelling of the story of Louis XVI (and here I must thank everyone who nominated that letter for a 2001 Cyclops Award) made it seem as if these notes just jump out of my fingers without a bead of sweat appearing on the brow. But no. Brain surgery would, I fear, be nothing compared with the torment of the weekly column.
In some ways, the world has changed greatly since the first Hamilton House mailing list was released on an unsuspecting universe. The Doctor’s adventures, for example, have vanished from our screens, although I am told some of the old tales still gain an audience numbering several hundred on satellite TV in the early hours of each Sunday morning.
But in other ways, life is much the same. Elvis continues to live in the rear section of a B52 on the dark side of the moon, there is talk of putting the corpse of Mussolini in charge of the railways, and 98% of all known politicians appear to live on the planet Zorg.
May I thank you for your attendance to my occasional ramblings. Those of a devious nature can read more on www.salesletters.co.uk
Tony Attwood
PS. Apparently I was supposed to take this opportunity to tell you about the various changes that have occurred in our school mailing lists. Sorry about that.
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