The Toppled Bollard: radical direct marketing in practice

This week at a business lunch at the Toppled Bollard a regular customer asked me if I had lost weight.

I was course delighted.  I explained that yes indeed, since Corby had just gained its first health and fitness centre – the quaintly named “Sons of Mars & Daughters of Venus” – I had indeed been getting fitter.  Indeed since the gala opening I had been a regular visitor.  At first I had been unsure whether I could keep the strict regime up, but positioning the new centre next to the Toppled Bollard had, I felt, been a good marketing ploy.  “I need to set an example to the younger staff,” I told him as he settled into his second pint and I gently lapped the mineral water.  “A fit and healthy chairman is a morale booster to the rest of the team,” I added knowingly.

We turned to business matters.  “Recent promotions to schools have been disappointing,” he announced.   “Any idea why?”

I asked to see what was being mailed and he brought out a copy of his company brochure.  It was well produced, informative, full of products that schools buy, all at keen prices.  It was as good as it gets.

“What about the covering letter?”  I asked.

“Written by the chairman,” he said passing it over.  Compared to the brochure it was a sad affair, obvious, lacking in direction, self-important, repetitive, tedious, boring and dull.

“I’ll write one for you,” I told him, wondering if I should now start shopping at Gap as part of my new super fit, slimmer, image.

“But I can hardly return to the office this afternoon and go to chairman and say, ‘I’ve just had a chat with that Tony Attwood at Hamilton House, and he thought the reason sales were down was because your covering letter was no good.”

I took the point.  Some of these chairmen can be quite difficult.   “Perhaps if he started to work out a bit, might take his mind off things?  Then he might not notice if you slipped in one of my letters for one of his?”  We agreed it was a possibility.

Wonderful things these health clubs.