The Toppled Bollard: radical direct marketing in practice

It is customary at this time of year to send a word of thank you to customers and friends as we approach the Day of the Celebration of the Small Kitchen Utensils.

This day is a unique festival, and although not recgnised by many in our land, it is still a time for thinking of those minor items that we have in and around what is often one of the smaller rooms of the house. 

This year I was particularly reminded of the Day of Celebration by a crossword clue which asked for the name of a kitchen item, eight letters long, and containing a Z as the antepenultimate consonant, and two “Ys” near the start.

Sadly after several months of pondering I am no closer to a resolution, and fear that I may have made an error elsewhere.  But be that as it may, this is a time for contemplation.  Contemplation of what is, what might be and indeed what might have been.

It is a moment when one turns away from a game of darts down at the local and instead decides to spend the evening in front of the kitchen stove, reading it TS Eliot or Ezra Pound before moving on to a recital of Dylan Thomas in the cupboard under the stairs.   We’ve all been there, I am sure.

But in these modern times it is not unknown for the slow cooker recently purchased from Asda or indeed the vacuum cleaner from John Lewis to answer back, such is the way of modern technology.  And thus there has been a return to the streets, with many a person forced from his or her own home due to the advances of modern technology wherein one finds that the newly purchased phone is demanding that one apologises either for not using it enough, or for requiring it to be active in the middle of the night.

Yet my thinking here is along the lines of PG Wodehouse.  One should not apologise.  The right sort of household appliance does not want an apology, and the wrong sort only takes advantage. 

However I notice that many people have not taken my guidance, and younger folk have often turned from such reflective ventures, preferring to meander the streets on the look out for other youngsters who are being attacked by passing ipads that have escaped from TV series, running up to the beasts brandishing a wooden stake and clove of garlic which is thoughtfully held under one’s mackintosh.

But as I say, I prefer the old ways, and thus it is that I am pleased to raise my glass to you on this Day of Celebration of Small Kitchen Utensils, and say, thank you for subscribing to the Direct Mail Secrets newsletter. 

Please do call             01536 399 000       if you would like to have some fine chit chat about direct marketing, or swap kitchen stories.  No cheese graters will call and your secret will be safe with me.

Tony Attwood